Starting the new year off at 5am with a hot cup of coffee. Granted the coffee is sitting on the floor and I’m tending to a 2 week old, but technicalities. There’s a hot cup in my vicinity.
I’m still at a point where I have so much I want to write down, but finding the motivation is the hard part. It’s what’s holding me back. The day dream world is my kryptonite. Sometimes it’s mixed with the contentment that my feelings and situations in the moment are fleeting, and there isn’t much sense in writing them down. Part of it is pure laziness or desire to just sit and be.
What exactly will 2021 bring? I find it amusing every time I hear someone say “It can’t be any worse than 2020”. Well actually sir, it can. But I really do think from a personal standpoint 2021 will be a great one.
Did I get the clarity I was looking for in 2020? Debatable. But I did get a baby, a house and a newfound appreciation for the little moments. And I continue to practice rolling with my emotions as they come. Or taking a second gaze as an email poignantly said today.
I’ve been thinking about the start of 2018 and how similar that time is with now. Three years ago I had a strong desire to focus on self improvement. I even had a chart in my phone where I listed all the things I had tapped into each month. It included skin care, faith, exercise, possibly even meditation. Then I got pregnant in February with my third and the list slowly stopped.
But now I feel that desire picking back up. I hope 2021 I am able to focus more inward and outward on me. And somehow find the balance between that focus and being present and patient (mainly patient) with my family.
I want to have a smile on my face when Mike walks through the door after work. Why do I have such a hard time letting my guard down with that?
I want to prioritize sleep.
I want to write daily. And carve out me time in that 5am hour.
I want to help people be the best versions of themselves. But before I can do that I have to work on my version. Over these last 3 years I’ve made great headway, and it is why I will always be appreciative of the hard time Sarah brought me to because it was a catalyst. But I’m realizing it’s an ongoing battle. Maybe battle is the wrong word. But it’s ongoing. And I like that.
I hope my relationships with my children flourish. That I can give them each the time and attention that they need.
Staying on budget would be nice, too.
And a dishwasher.
I really hope there’s a dishwasher in my 2021 life.