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Broken Bathroom Vanity: Not Today, Satan

Our bathroom vanity arrived with a broken leg. Mike took one good look at it and knew it was an easy fix. But me? I saw this as something else. This was a money saving opportunity.

So I sent a polite, but poignant email to Pottery Barn. Because I mean business, but I can’t hide my Southern. I told them the vanity was beautiful, but something must be done to rectify this shortcoming. And I would settle for nothing less than a fully refunded payment.

And I received no reply.

But that did not stop me. I call a few days later, ready to put up a fight for my well deserved savings. Someone picks up. She sounds tired, like she’s only dealt with unsatisfied customers all morning. But not my problem, Boo. I’ve got a broken leg and an opportunity to be had.

We get to talking. She asks if the break is fixable. I, unwilling to admit that I hadn’t actually looked at the leg, say “Nope.” She sighs and says that a new vanity is the way to go. And her keyboard starts tapping away. I’m feeling pretty good about this easy win.

Then I have a realization. Crap! What the heck am I going to do with THIS vanity? I can’t throw it away. Or give it away. I mean I could. But let’s not push it. And I can already see the stream of Marketplace messages wanting to haggle the price of my broken vanity. And I hate haggling. And conflict. I avoid them both at all costs.

So I make the snap decision to assess the leg. Is it as fixable as Mike confidently said? Yurp. Sure is. Damn it.

Suddenly I’m exhausted by the idea of figuring out what to do with the first vanity. So I tell the lady, “Wait, after quick reassessment, I think this break is quite fixable. What about monetary compensation.”

Her voice perks up, but she hesitates ever so slightly, indicating to me that she’s making a calculated response. I’ve got her right where I want her to be. She says, “Oh. Well since that’s what you’d like to do, we can refund you 10% of the value.”

Ha! 10%! Who does she think I am? Pottery Barn was just about to send me an entirely new bathroom vanity. For FREE. And they think I’ll settle for a 10% refund instead? I mean 20% off coupons land in my inbox on the regular.

Not today, Satan. I am a strong, independent woman, ready to negotiate.

So I take a deep breath and say, “Yeah, that sounds great. How soon will I receive payment?”

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